Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test — G.O.A.T.

You are approached by a frenzied Vault scientist, who yells, "I'm going to put my quantum harmonizer in your photonic resonation chamber!" What's your response?

• But doctor, wouldn't that cause a parabolic destabilization of the fission singularity?"
• "Yeah? Up yours too, buddy!"
• Say nothing, grab a nearby pipe and hit the scientist in the head to knock him out. For all you knew, he was planning to blow up the vault.
• Say nothing, but slip away before the scientist can continue his rant.

While working as an intern in the Clinic, a patient with a strange infection on his foot stumbles through the door. The infection is spreading at an alarming rate, but the doctor has stepped out for a while. What do you do?

• Amputate the foot before the infection spreads.
• Scream for help.
• Medicate the infected area to the best of your abilities.
• Restrain the patient, and merely observe as the infection spreads.

You discover a young boy lost in the lower levels of the Vault. He's hungry and frightened, but also appears to be in possession of stolen property. What do you do?

• Give the boy a hug and tell him everything will be okay.
• Confiscate the property by force, and leave him there as punishment.
• Pick the boy's pocket to take the stolen property for yourself, and leave the boy to his fate.
• Lead the boy to safety, then turn him over to the overseer.

Congratulations! You made one of the Vault 212 baseball teams! Which position do you prefer?

• Pitcher
• Catcher
• Designated Hitter
• None, you wish the vault had a football team

Your grandmother invites you to tea, but you're surprised when she gives you a pistol and orders you to kill another Vault resident. What do you do?

• Obey your elder and kill the Vault resident with the pistol.
• Offer your most prized possession for the resident's life.
• Ask granny for a minigun instead. After all, you don't want to miss.
• Throw your tea in granny's face.

Old Mr. Abernathy has locked himself in his quarters again, and you've been ordered to get him out. How do you proceed?

• Use a bobby pin to pick the lock on the door.
• Trade a Vault hoodlum for his cherry bomb and blow open the lock.
• Go to the armory, retrieve a laser pistol, and blow the lock off.
• Walk away, and let the old coot rot.

Oh, no! You've been exposed to radiation, and a mutated hand has grown out of your stomach! What's the best course of treatment?

• A bullet to the brain.
• Large doses of anti-mutagen agent.
• Prayer. Maybe God will spare you in exchange for a life of pious devotion.
• Removal of the mutated tissue with a precision laser.

A fellow Vault 212 resident is in possession of a Grognak the Barbarian comic book, issue number 1. You want it. What's the best way to obtain it?

• Trade the comic book for one of your own valuable possessions
• Steal the comic book at gunpoint
• Sneak into the resident's quarters, and steal the comic book from his desk
• Slip some knock out drops into the resident's Nuka-Cola, and take the comic book when he's unconscious.

You decide it would be fun to play a prank on your father. You enter his private restroom when no one is looking, and....

• Loosen some bolts on some pipes. When the sink is turned on, the room will flood.
• Put a firecracker in the toilet. That's sure to cause some chaos.
• Break into the locked medicine cabinet and replace his high blood pressure medication with sugar pills.
• Manipulate the power wattage on his razor, so he'll get an electric shock next time he shaves.

Who is indisputably the most important person in Vault 212: He who shelters us from the harshness of the atomic wasteland, and to whom we owe everything we have, including our lives?

• The Overseer
• The Overseer
• The Overseer
• The Overseer